Book vs Film: YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (Part 1)

This is intended to be a comparison of the novel and film of YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE. At this stage I’m not sure whether it will get much above the level of “omg in teh bbok blofelds has a castel but in teh movie he hav a volcanoes wtf?????” but it should, at some point, contain a screencap of Sean Connery in his Japanese 'disguise' which makes the whole endeavour worthwhile. I shouldn’t need to warn you that this contains major spoilers for both.

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE was Ian Fleming’s tenth James Bond novel and the second to last in the series. Published in 1964, it was the last one Fleming completed before his death. The film adaptation was released in 1967, the fifth in the increasingly popular series of movies. Both the novel and film are set primarily in Japan. The alien – to Western audiences – nature of Japanese culture and society is played upon heavily in both, with the strange rituals and customs serving to dislocate the character of Bond as well as the audience. This is apparent from the first pages of the novel, with the immense importance that is attached to a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. Bond spends most of the rest of the novel struggling to get his head around the complexities of Japanese culture, while encountering a series of peculiar sights: Tiger’s office in an abandoned subway station, people climbing walls and walking on water, a cow being fed beer and massaged with gin, food that gets up and walks off his plate.

The film works in a similar way, especially in the sequence where Bond first arrives in Japan. After escaping his own funeral he is fired out of a torpedo tube and washes up on the shore. He wanders the streets of Tokyo and witnesses the bizarre ceremony of a sumo match, before getting into a series of fights – including probably one of the few cinematic fight scenes in which a sofa is used as a weapon – and, after chasing the mysterious Aki around, falls through a trapdoor in the floor (in a sequence borrowed from the book’s finale) which deposits him in Tiger’s office. He is then bathed by four bikini-clad Japanese women and has sex with Aki. Not a bad evening’s work.

The result of all this, especially in the novel, is that Bond is somewhat out of his depth. At the beginning of the book he is still recovering from Tracy’s death at the end of ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE. He is distracted and melancholy, spending most of his working hours sitting in a park contemplating the flowers and insects rather than in his office (if someone were to ever make a list of the 007 most emo moments of the novels, this would surely feature). This changes once he gets to Japan, however, and his character as presented here is probably the most entertaining of all the novels, as he reacts to his unfamiliar surroundings by frequently launching into profanity-laden tirades about Japanese culture, English society, and the state of the world in general. He is belligerent and reckless, drinks excessively, goes to a whore-house and is constantly attempting to unsettle Tiger with his boorish attitude in response to what he sees as the insufferable ‘bowing and hissing,’ dainty politeness of the Japanese. It is possible the more humorous nature of the book is a reaction to the films, which are more overtly funny than the novels. Fleming would have seen at least DR. NO, and possibly FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE, as he was writing YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE, and though he reportedly disliked the films they could have influenced his style (I vaguely remember reading that he gave Bond Scottish ancestry in response to Connery getting the role but can’t confirm this anywhere).

The character in the film is presented quite differently. Over the previous four films, particularly GOLDFINGER and THUNDERBALL, the suave, unflappable, pun-dispensing Bond persona had been well established. This combined with the fact he did not have Tracy’s death to deal with (not that that made any difference in DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER) and Connery’s lazy, uninterested performance – which he had decided would be his last in the role – mean that the character in the film operates very differently, and does not have the depth or complexity as in the novel. This hardly matters for what the film is trying to achieve, however, and is more than made up for by Roald Dahl’s screenplay and the excellent production values. The surreal, dreamlike quality of the film, achieved in particular through Lewis Gilbert’s direction, Freddie Young’s cinematography, Ken Adam’s sets and John Barry’s score as well as sequences such as the one described above, makes it a unique entry in the series. The best shot in the film – possibly my favourite single shot in any Bond film – is during the fight on the Kobe docks, where the camera pulls back to show Bond running across the rooftop, beating the shit out of anyone in his path and leaving a trail of bodies in his wake. It’s an unusual way to shoot a fight scene and I think encapsulates the tone of the entire film.

Stay tuned for the second and (mercifully) final instalment, which will be assaulting your computer screens whenever I get around to formatting it.

ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE Part 3: Naked Ladies!

Following the pre-credits scene, which was pretty much a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart, OHMSS doesn’t miss a step with the credits themselves. Maurice Binder has been hailed for his work on the series’ famed title sequences, which was admittedly only sporadically successful. His work on OHMSS comes this close to being an unequivocal triumph.

There are two main Jungian themes at play within the sequence:

1. Clocks, Hourglasses, and the Inescapable Deteriorative Effects of Time

2. Sexy Naked Broads in Heraldic Poses

I promise you, that’s the only time you’ll read “sexy” and “heraldic” in the same sentence in your entire life. Enjoy it while you can.

The first image we see is the heraldic girls. Like the lions and griffons you see on British family crests, they are posed symmetrically and almost fascistically, with some holding tridents. It’s all very baroque and imperialist, but with the delightfully smutty edge that Bond movies provide so well. Elegance, tradition, glamour, all disgracefully undercut by the inclusion of erect nipples. Only in a Bond film. Not only is it funny, but it sets the tone and signifies the ins and outs of Bond’s world as described above.

It does more, too: as the title would indicate, this film has a preoccupation with Bond’s place on Her Majesty’s Secret Service. How deeply is Bond devoted to those ideals of Queen and country? Does he have a place there? Does he want a place there? These questions are touched on and answered in the film, but it’s in that subtle way that the Bond filmmakers did so well for so many years. These are, above all, fun comic-book adventures, with a few extra millimeters of depth there for those so inclined.

The second big motif is time. We see Bond clinging SAFETY LAST-style to the hands of a clock as they zip backwards through time. Not only does this tie in with the film’s themes of Queen and country (I may elaborate later in this analysis), but it works desperately to ingratiate George Lazenby with viewers. It’s saying, “No, don’t worry, this isn’t necessarily a bold step into the future of Bond with this dorky new guy – we’ll take you back to the fun times you had with Sean and his monumentally hairy chest. We promise! It’ll be fun!”

Then the most significant and time-consuming element: the outline of an hourglass, with scenes from previous Bond films passing down through it like time past. It’s a nice, even inspired, idea, but Binder (or the technical means he had to work with in 1969) doesn’t rise to the vision. The montage is awkwardly cut and sometimes distorted, and sometimes not. It’s generally a bit of a mess. An A for effort, though.

The whole thing is set against a foggy, swirling backdrop of psychedelic colours, again in keeping with the 1969 pop ethos. The final shot, of the heraldic nudes sweeping in for their final pose, accompanied by John Barry’s breakneck musical theme, is almost visceral.

Which brings us to John Barry. His work on this film’s music is regarded by a vast majority of Bond connoisseurs as being both his best work, and the best score in the series period. I disagree – he managed to top this score on arguably three occasions – but the fans definitely have a point. The score is never stronger than during this title scene, with the straight-up rendition of the main theme.

The theme is exciting, insistent, and strangely menacing, with plenty of funky ‘60s fuzz bass thrown in for good measure. Once heard, it’s never forgotten. It may even surpass than the actual James Bond Theme. Because it was never reprised in any other films, it retains a special connection to Lazenby’s Bond – it’s almost as though Lazenby’s Bond is a different character to his predecessor and successors, and this was his theme song exclusively. I like that. As a stand-alone film, OHMSS is brilliant. Unequivocally. But viewed as part of the Bond series…?

I might get round to that in another post. Hooray!

ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE Part 2 – This Often Happened to the Other Fella

This being the big debut of The New Bond, the filmmakers were left with two options: a) jump right into the plot with no acknowledgement whatsoever that this was not Sean Connery playing Bond, or b) shoe-horn in a dramatic build-up to the new actor’s big reveal. Despite Peter Hunt’s comments on the excellent documentary “Inside ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE”, they opted for the dramatic build-up. Hunt claims that, after much soul-searching, he ultimately decided just to show George Lazenby and get it over with. Watching the film, however, they clearly went out of their way to shroud Lazenby’s entrance in self-important mystique.

The filmmakers first wanted to remind viewers that this was still A James Bond Movie. First, we have the gunbarrel, but instead of what is obviously Sean Connery turning and firing, it is instead a silhouette. Then, instead of cutting straight to the Bond action, as per normal, we first visit MI6 headquarters, and catch up with M, Q and Miss Moneypenny, who are desperately searching for Bond. Why is he A.W.O.L.? It’s never really explained, but the viewer never really cares, either.

We then visit what turns out to be Portugal, with Bond’s new Aston Martin doing the rounds. As he drives, we see only glimpses of him. His lips smoking a cigarette. His hand grabbing a pair of sunglasses. At this point, the audience is presumably going, “Ooooh, dramatic!”

On a country road, he is swiftly overtaken by a girl in a convertible. Bond says, “Hmmmm!” to himself, then pursues her to a beach. He watches the girl walking along the sand towards the waterline. To his amazement, she is Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo, a.k.a “Tracy”, a.k.a Diana Rigg! She walks in her evening gown into the surf.

Oh no! A woman going for a swim! Bond deems this reason enough to drive his car onto the beach (please note that his tyres screech even on sand – this is how badass this new Bond is), run into the water, manhandle her, and then carry her back to shore. While he is doing so, she inexplicably passes out.

This is one of the silliest moments in the entire film. Are people not permitted to go swimming in the off-chance that they might be wanting to commit suicide? That does indeed turn out to have been her intention, but Bond has no way of knowing that. If I’d been in charge of the film, I would have had Tracy jump off a cliff into the sea, which would signal her intentions more plainly. Then Bond could dive in after her and haul her onto the beach. That way, we get both story and stuntwork in a naturalistic fashion! Sadly, I was not and likely never will be Peter Hunt c. 1969. Alas.

In the book, the beach scene that opens it in fact takes place later in the story, with events then flashing back to Bond’s initial encounters with Tracy. This means that, in the book, when Bond follows her to the beach, he knows what she’s up to. In the film, he’s just some over-dramatic dork.

The over-dramatic dork dumps her on the sand and revives her. He then introduces himself, in full close-up for the first time, as, “Bond! James Bond!” Here we get our first good look at Lazenby. He looks friendly and cheerful, and sounds a bit simple. So far, this seems more like James Bond: Retarded Farmhand than James Bond: Secret Agent, but this evaporates in the next few moments.

Bond and Tracy are soon accosted by thugs, who somehow snuck (sneaked?) up on Bond despite the fact that they are on an empty expanse of beach. Bond won’t have a bar of this, so throws a nearby anchor into a thug’s face (holy shit!), and then IT IS ON!

What follows is one of the best punch-ups not only in the Bond series, but in all cinema. This being made in 1969, Hunt feeds off the psychedelic weirdness going on in contemporary pop culture. In fact, OHMSS is the most psychedelic Bond film, following on the groundwork laid by the previous film, YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (1967). Hunt and his brilliant cinematographer Michael Reed use plenty zooms and camera tricks, while editor John Glen throws in some inspired jump-cutting. Whoever did the sound knocked it out of the park as well, with each punch sounding like a gunshot. Plus, setting the beach scene at dawn adds some weird colour schemes to the fight.

Bond and one of the thugs tangle in the surf, punching and flinging each other into the water. It makes absolutely no sense in terms of continuity, but Hunt and Glen were going for excitement and impact rather than sense. Bond teaches the two thugs the fine art of “getting fucked up”, and ultimately wins the fight, just in time to see Tracy take off without so much as a thank-you.

“This never happened to the other fella!” he says to himself/the audience, and then the main titles begin. The translation of this is: “Hi, I’m the new guy. I’m sorry Sean’s not here, but hey, you do what you can. Have fun! There’s an awesome ski chase at the 90-minute mark! Buy refreshments from the lobby!”

All the fuss made over his entrance doesn’t work in the same way Roger Moore’s casual, succinct introduction as Bond in LIVE AND LET DIE (1973) does. It’s too laboured. But by the end of the pre-credits sequence, Lazenby is in the zone and ready to rock, and the audience is for the most part going along for the ride.

Only now has Lazenby make his true first impression as Bond. What was once an iffy dork is now a whirling dervish of kickass. At this point, his cheerfulness and toughness combine to create the impression of a good-natured adventurer who can and will kill you if he has to, but will always enjoy himself doing it. And because that’s the essence of the James Bond character, it turns out that Lazenby was not actually a bad choice for the role. At all.

Hey, pre-credits sequence! Yeah, you! Your mission is mostly accomplished. Well done.

The 007 MOST EMO Bond Moments

“Emo” is the latest craze hitting today’s hottest city streets. Teens everywhere are being emo, and loving every minute of it! I can’t say exactly what emo is, but I think it vaguely involves being dramatic and/or self-consciously dark and emotional. Little do teens realise that James Bond 007 has been doing emo for over 40 years, and like Carly Simon once said, nobody does it better. Thus, here is a list of the 007 most emo Bond moments.

001: YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (1967)

Part of the emo culture demands looking like an idiot. Thus, emos worldwide don their greasy black fringes and Buddy Holly glasses in their quest to disgust me even more than they already do. James Bond, however, pioneered the look in the classic YOLT. In a misguided bid to look Japanese, Bond dons an emo haircut and starts moping. This moment could also easily fit on The 007 Most Mr. Spock Bond Moments. Look out for that list around June.

002: THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH (1999)

A wise man once called Pierce Brosnan “the most emo Bond”. It is tough to argue. After all, no Bond has ever displayed such a fascination with the sensual allure of death. In both TWINE and TOMORROW NEVER DIES, Brosnan suckles and nuzzles the corpses of his various Bond girls. The nuzzling scene in TWINE is probably the most emo, following Bond’s execution of the evil, yet beauteous, Elektra King. In the original script there was a climactic scene of Bond writing badly-spelled poetry to celebrate his love-hate relationship with Elektra, but it was excised from the film because it was deemed unrealistic for Bond to prioritise poetry over preventing a nuclear submarine from destroying Istanbul.

003: ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1969)

In this most emotional of Bond films, it was only natural that some emo should rear its ugly head. The most significant occurrence is Tracy’s first conversation with Bond, after she just lost a big hand at the baccarat table:

Bond: “Next time, play it safe and stand on five.”

Tracy: “If you want to stay alive, play it safe.”

Oh no! Suicide! Bitch be crazy! Thankfully, Bond manages to salvage the moment with this delightfully callous line if dialogue:

Bond: “Please stay alive! At least for tonight!”

Please note that cheerfully, tastelessly mentioning that you want to have sex with a potential suicide case is a good way to score with them. I guess what they do afterwards with a length of rope is their business.

004: THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (1977)

Roger Moore was the least emo Bond, so it was up to his co-stars to pick up the slack. Foremost was Richard Kiel, better known as Jaws. In the train scene, Anya opens up her closet to reveal Jaws being emo within. The scene is brief, but shockingly emo. Bond boffins may not know this, but one telling scene was left on the cutting room floor: Jaws admitting to Anya before trying to kill her that when he was a teenager, he would turn up the stereo in his bedroom so that his parents couldn’t hear him screaming. A fine character moment for Jaws, wrongly excised in favour of mindless action. For shame, Lewis Gilbert.

005: DR. NO (1962)

This is the first recorded instance of emo in a James Bond film. Whereas in later films the filmmakers would emphasise the joy Bond takes in killing baddies, DN shows the dark toll that murder can take on a young heart. Towards the climax, Bond sneaks up on one of Dr. No’s guards and chokes him to death behind a blurry glass screen. After the guard dies, Bond slowly, emo-ly, sinks to the floor with the corpse, possibly with emo tears in his eyes – his innocence forever lost.

006: GOLDENEYE (1995)

Early in this film, Bond urges his good friend to, “shut the door, there’s a draft!”. This eerily mirrors the heartrending lyrics to Panic! At The Disco’s emo song “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”, in which the singer urges his listeners to, “close the god damn door.”

Look, it was hard filling up 007 spaces on this list. Just bear with me

007: CASINO ROYALE (2006)

CR was released in the thick of the western world’s fascination with emo, and thus glommed onto the trend like a cat rubbing its face in a patch of dog piss. Emo is used in CR as an intertextual means of letting today’s more emocore teens relate to Bond and his dark, dark world. There could have been any number of moments chosen from CR to fill up all 007 spots on this list, including the moment where Bond stares at his brooding reflection in a mirror. ;_;

However, the moment that takes the cake is when Bond returns to his hotel room to find Vesper Lynd being basically pretty emo in the shower. Bond joins her and is also rather emo. Emo.

A hearty thank you to the glorious Andrew Ellis for the glorious logo at the top of this glorious list. It can’t have been easy to persuade Sean Connery to participate in that photoshoot.

ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE Part 1 – Ultra-Happy Snowball Joy of Fun

Unless you’re some sort of idiot, you’ll know that ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE (1969) was the first Bond film produced following Sean Connery’s retirement from the role after 1967’s YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE. Nowadays, the Bond producers have the luxury of having a precedent for recasting Bond. Back in 1969, recasting was a sink-or-swim proposition. For all anyone knew, James Bond was Sean Connery. In essence, producers Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman were kind of fucked.

Charles K. Feldman’s CASINO ROYALE, the all-star spoof version rather than the 2006 “proper” version, had likewise opened in 1967 and had been a box-office hit, despite a crippling lack of Connery. By that same token, it hadn’t made nearly as much as the Connery movies had. Broccoli and Saltzman were left with a few facts to consider:

James Bond = $

Sean Connery + James Bond = $$$$$!!!

Deciding that $ was better than no $ at all, they forged ahead with OHMSS. They had apparently first planned to make OHMSS after GOLDFINGER, then after THUNDERBALL, and only after YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE did they get the chance. I think it had something to do with them finding the requisite winter locations in time for their shooting schedules. One can see why they wanted to film OHMSS from the outset: Ian Fleming’s novel is fucking fantastic – one of his best, and full of cinematic potential.

After an extensive search for a new Bond, they somehow managed to end up with Australian car salesman/male model/amateur rock star/unarmed combat instructor/all-around badass George Lazenby. That sort of combination would normally be a recipe for unfettered awesomeness.

So what sort of broth did the Lazenby recipe yield? A delicious, long-lasting broth of rich consistency? Or a ghastly broth with wooden line delivery and big ears? Or am I taking this broth simile too far?

Let’s just say that Broccoli and Saltzman had a new equation to consider:

James Bond – Sean Connery + George Lazenby = : (

ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE and Me

ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE, known affectionately by fans as OHMSS, and known affectionately by people who can’t tell the difference between different movies as JUNGLE 2 JUNGLE, is pretty much the greatest thing ever devised by God, man, machine, or Broccoli.

My relationship with OHMSS, along with my relationships with virtually every other Bond movie, started in 1996. In my first flush with Bond at the age of 10, I rented a battered VHS copy. Prior to this, I had heard of the film from my friend Thomas, who said that it had, “James Bond running along a beach in wet pants”. This was not very informative, so I decided to see the film for myself.

And I didn’t like it. At all. It was boring. That mountaintop scene went on forever. It was boring. I didn’t like George Lazenby. It was boring. I didn’t like all the wacky camerawork and editing. First and foremost, IT WAS BORING. Yeah, that’s a shallow criticism to make, but it held true. Its boringness was its big drawback. That, and the guy played James Bond… a man I like to call The Lazinator.

Flash forward to ten years later. I now understand what makes James Bond movies work. And – hey presto! – OHMSS is suddenly the best thing ever. After GOLDFINGER, THE SPY WHO LOVED ME, sex, tacos and fluffy kittens, of course, but right up there.

Over the coming weeks (months? years?) I will take an in-depth look at this Bond classic. I’d call it an overlooked Bond classic, but it’s not. Its reputation was solid when I first hit the fan scene in 1996, and it’s only ever grown since, if only because I’ve been won over by its charms.

Chief among those charms? That fella I like to call The Lazinator. I hear his parents intended to call him that as well, but he intimidated them into changing it while still in the womb, because he’s that much of a badass. Please stay tuned.

Come Into My Parlour...

Any clown can review a James Bond movie. It takes a special kind of clown – namely, me – to compose a detailed analysis of every aspect of a James Bond movie. And that’s what I’m here to do, on a blog-entry-by-blog-entry schedule. Unless I mysteriously vanish from the Internet before I can complete my mammoth task (leaving behind only the ghostly Internet remnants of a character study of OCTOPUSSY’s Vijay) this will be the format that the blog takes, with the occasional digression.

The plan is to analyse each Bond film frame-by-frame. Well, I may not technically be that scrupulous, but the plan is to write about every ten minutes or so of Bond film, or basically anything about the film that immediately springs to mind, and post it online. Also, sometimes porn. That clear enough for you? It better be, because Moustachioed George Lazenby will eat your heart if you press the “back” button.

Go ahead - defy him. But don’t hold me or the kind folks at Blogger responsible for the grisly consequences.

“Why not just make a website?” you ask. It’s because I don’t understand HTML. Now go to hell.