ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE Part 2 – This Often Happened to the Other Fella

This being the big debut of The New Bond, the filmmakers were left with two options: a) jump right into the plot with no acknowledgement whatsoever that this was not Sean Connery playing Bond, or b) shoe-horn in a dramatic build-up to the new actor’s big reveal. Despite Peter Hunt’s comments on the excellent documentary “Inside ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE”, they opted for the dramatic build-up. Hunt claims that, after much soul-searching, he ultimately decided just to show George Lazenby and get it over with. Watching the film, however, they clearly went out of their way to shroud Lazenby’s entrance in self-important mystique.

The filmmakers first wanted to remind viewers that this was still A James Bond Movie. First, we have the gunbarrel, but instead of what is obviously Sean Connery turning and firing, it is instead a silhouette. Then, instead of cutting straight to the Bond action, as per normal, we first visit MI6 headquarters, and catch up with M, Q and Miss Moneypenny, who are desperately searching for Bond. Why is he A.W.O.L.? It’s never really explained, but the viewer never really cares, either.

We then visit what turns out to be Portugal, with Bond’s new Aston Martin doing the rounds. As he drives, we see only glimpses of him. His lips smoking a cigarette. His hand grabbing a pair of sunglasses. At this point, the audience is presumably going, “Ooooh, dramatic!”

On a country road, he is swiftly overtaken by a girl in a convertible. Bond says, “Hmmmm!” to himself, then pursues her to a beach. He watches the girl walking along the sand towards the waterline. To his amazement, she is Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo, a.k.a “Tracy”, a.k.a Diana Rigg! She walks in her evening gown into the surf.

Oh no! A woman going for a swim! Bond deems this reason enough to drive his car onto the beach (please note that his tyres screech even on sand – this is how badass this new Bond is), run into the water, manhandle her, and then carry her back to shore. While he is doing so, she inexplicably passes out.

This is one of the silliest moments in the entire film. Are people not permitted to go swimming in the off-chance that they might be wanting to commit suicide? That does indeed turn out to have been her intention, but Bond has no way of knowing that. If I’d been in charge of the film, I would have had Tracy jump off a cliff into the sea, which would signal her intentions more plainly. Then Bond could dive in after her and haul her onto the beach. That way, we get both story and stuntwork in a naturalistic fashion! Sadly, I was not and likely never will be Peter Hunt c. 1969. Alas.

In the book, the beach scene that opens it in fact takes place later in the story, with events then flashing back to Bond’s initial encounters with Tracy. This means that, in the book, when Bond follows her to the beach, he knows what she’s up to. In the film, he’s just some over-dramatic dork.

The over-dramatic dork dumps her on the sand and revives her. He then introduces himself, in full close-up for the first time, as, “Bond! James Bond!” Here we get our first good look at Lazenby. He looks friendly and cheerful, and sounds a bit simple. So far, this seems more like James Bond: Retarded Farmhand than James Bond: Secret Agent, but this evaporates in the next few moments.

Bond and Tracy are soon accosted by thugs, who somehow snuck (sneaked?) up on Bond despite the fact that they are on an empty expanse of beach. Bond won’t have a bar of this, so throws a nearby anchor into a thug’s face (holy shit!), and then IT IS ON!

What follows is one of the best punch-ups not only in the Bond series, but in all cinema. This being made in 1969, Hunt feeds off the psychedelic weirdness going on in contemporary pop culture. In fact, OHMSS is the most psychedelic Bond film, following on the groundwork laid by the previous film, YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (1967). Hunt and his brilliant cinematographer Michael Reed use plenty zooms and camera tricks, while editor John Glen throws in some inspired jump-cutting. Whoever did the sound knocked it out of the park as well, with each punch sounding like a gunshot. Plus, setting the beach scene at dawn adds some weird colour schemes to the fight.

Bond and one of the thugs tangle in the surf, punching and flinging each other into the water. It makes absolutely no sense in terms of continuity, but Hunt and Glen were going for excitement and impact rather than sense. Bond teaches the two thugs the fine art of “getting fucked up”, and ultimately wins the fight, just in time to see Tracy take off without so much as a thank-you.

“This never happened to the other fella!” he says to himself/the audience, and then the main titles begin. The translation of this is: “Hi, I’m the new guy. I’m sorry Sean’s not here, but hey, you do what you can. Have fun! There’s an awesome ski chase at the 90-minute mark! Buy refreshments from the lobby!”

All the fuss made over his entrance doesn’t work in the same way Roger Moore’s casual, succinct introduction as Bond in LIVE AND LET DIE (1973) does. It’s too laboured. But by the end of the pre-credits sequence, Lazenby is in the zone and ready to rock, and the audience is for the most part going along for the ride.

Only now has Lazenby make his true first impression as Bond. What was once an iffy dork is now a whirling dervish of kickass. At this point, his cheerfulness and toughness combine to create the impression of a good-natured adventurer who can and will kill you if he has to, but will always enjoy himself doing it. And because that’s the essence of the James Bond character, it turns out that Lazenby was not actually a bad choice for the role. At all.

Hey, pre-credits sequence! Yeah, you! Your mission is mostly accomplished. Well done.